Monday, March 29, 2010

Kathy's song

I love making playlists. Music is such a big part of the stories that play out in my life. Music walks hand in hand with my memories..haunting me and comforting me...

So I promised a friend a "mixed tape" with some great tunes, and as I was perusing my itunes library, I was reminded of Kathy's Song by Simon and Garfunkel. It's a simple song with brilliant lyrics.

I used to sing it to Grant when he was a baby, which was only ten years ago, but feels lifetimes away. I remember being a young new mother, sleep deprived but still wide eyed and anxious, and absolutely in love with every waking, and sleeping breath of my beautiful new baby boy. Those were days when I still lived in illusions about how life goes as planned... unaware of how much I did not know about just about everything... I was 23 years old, and completely sure about just about everything.

Motherhood has made me a completely different person, and each child has made me a completely different mother. I don't sing to Grant anymore and when I sing along in the car now he begs me to stop. I never could listen to this song without choking up a little bit, even in my most guarded phases. I am not a girl who typically cries, although I have finally softened up a little in my thirties. There is a movie scene in "The Holiday" with Cameron Diaz where she is trying to cry because she knew she should be crying, and I have done this myself, many times. Music is one of the few things that can really hit my very few vulnerable places. A happy song always makes me want to dance, and a sad song can literally take my breath away... that ping and straining in my heart universal for any mood that great music sows out of my memories. Listening to Kathy's Song last night I could feel Grant in my arms, rocking him back to sleep, just the two of us.

This one's for Grant, even though he would not think it's the first bit cool. Cheers to all the young, new parents out there watching their babies sleep, drink bottles, poop and smile in awe. It doesnt last long!

Kathy's Song

I hear the drizzle of the rain
Like a memory it falls
Soft and warm continuing
Tapping on my roof and walls

And from the shelter of my mind
Through the window of my eyes
I gaze beyond the rain-drenched streets
To England where my heart lies

My mind's distracted and diffused
My thoughts are many miles away
They lie with you when you're asleep
And kiss you when you start your day

And a song I was writing is left undone
I don't know why I spend my time
Writing songs I can't believe
With words that tear and strain to rhyme

And so you see I have come to doubt
All that I once held as true
I stand alone without beliefs
The only truth I know is you

And as I watch the drops of rain
Weave their weary paths and die
I know that I am like the rain
There but for the grace of you go I

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